Problems in Prayer

Prayer is not always a struggle, but it is often difficult to acknowledge struggling in prayer. It is abnormal not to have struggles with prayer. As with all relationships, there are aspects that will have their difficulties, whether it is making time and space for the relationship, or dealing with the nature of the relationship and ways of attending to it.

Below are some pointers for reflection that may provide ideas for further exploration. I would recommend as part of the process of exploring and deepening prayer, finding a spiritual companion / guide who will provide personal attention to you and offers suggestions on how to explore prayer.

Practical Issues – space and place to prayer

These are worth looking at first.

• Place to pray: Having a regular place to pray, and that is only used for pray can be helpful for those who struggle to pray. Check what distractions may be around. Is there a way of reducing them?
• How protected is your space at the times you want to pray? What can you do to improve this? Do you need to negotiate with those you live with, or turn the phone off when you set aside time?
• Posture: This can make a big difference. Having an upright back has been found to reduce mental distractions. Thus sitting in an upright chair, using a prayer stool or kneeling may be worth trying.

Personal

Getting down to prayer is probably the most common issue. The practical points above can help this, but there are other issues that emerge, that can make it difficult to get down to it.

• Busyness: Having a busy life, mind, etc. can make it difficult to devote attention to prayer. This can raise issues of life style, but first perhaps its worth looking at how to slow down, relax and become more still – before trying to pray. To spend a few weeks coming to prayer as a time to relax and be still, and not seeking to do anything more may well help this.
   
• Inner distractions: Those distracting thoughts about what to cook for dinner, or a job you have forgotten to do, can be very irritating when trying to focus on God.
  
  How we handle distractions is far more important than not having distractions. Be relaxed about distractions. When you notice you have been distracted, be gentle with yourself – ‘hey ho, I’ve been distracted again’. Notice, and gently let it go, seeking to focus again on your prayer. Persisting in this approach can reduce distractions.
  
  Another help can be to have a pad to jot down things you want to remember – you can jot them down, and let them go until you have finished praying.
  
  Some distractions can actually be calls to pray about the distracting thought – or its roots.
   
• Trying too hard: Being over intense in any relationship is counter-productive, and this is true in prayer. Try being more relaxed about it. Often this can feel dangerous – and yet be the invitation to grow in faith.
   
• Failure: There can be very strong senses of failure. Perhaps over not being able to pray properly, or well, or like others seem to, or to do with prayers not being answered. Whatever, notice if this sense is around. Remember, prayer is about relationship rather than achievement. It is the Holy Spirit who prays in us, and so our role is to seek to let that happen, rather than to ‘do it yourself’.
  
  There is a real sense in which prayer is wasting time with God. To do this is to show real faith – that God matters more than ‘success’ and that God’s values are not the world’s values. This is the sacrifice of worship. Letting go of the values of the world, so that we devote ourselves to the values of God.

Theological

There are profound theological issues that can affect our prayer and give us huge problems.

How we see ourselves

Seeing ourselves in relation to prayer is a theological issue. In prayer, our relationship is with God, and how we see ourselves will colour how we think God sees us and this can get in the way. All sorts of experiences and attitudes can cause this.

Guilt (appropriate or not) can be a major issue here. It can mean that we feel we can’t approach God and so we find ourselves reluctant to get down to it. As Julian of Norwich reminds us, sin cannot hinder God loving us, and that he looks upon us with pity not with blame.

Negative self image caused by experience of deep wounding in the past, can be a call to bring this for healing. Sometimes though this can have a kind of arrogance about it – a sense that we particularly are uniquely unlovable by God. A kind of saying to God ‘You may be able to love them who have failed you, but you have met your match in me – I am the sinner beyond redemption’.

Recognising our inner attitudes can take away their power and reduce our struggles to pray, but bringing them to prayer can be important too.

Image of God

Our image of God (as already described about) makes a big difference.  If deep down we have a fearful image of God, we are going to struggle to approach him in prayer. We can have powerful unhelpful images of God in our subconscious, the product of parent type figures in our childhood, parents, teachers etc. If there were strong judgemental and unsympathetic characters we are likely to subconsciously project them upon God and find prayer unattractive and hard to get down to.

It is worth pondering the images of God that are around for you. What is the sense I have as I seek to approach God? What are the feelings that are around? These may be clues to an underlying unhelpful image.

Spending some time with the images of God that Jesus taught (e.g. the Father who likes to give good things can be helpful), or the images of Isaiah 43.1-4 or Hosea 11.1-4 and then seek his grace in healing your image of God.

Conclusion

Struggles with prayer are a normal and important part of the journey of faith. Faith will always take us beyond our securities – so that our faith can grow – and so prayer is going to have its struggles.

Hopefully these points will help to reduce any sense of stress that you may have about struggling in prayer, along with some pointers to how to respond to the struggles. I would strongly encourage finding a spiritual companion who can give you the space to reflect on your prayer experience and offer support and suggestions in journeying in faith and prayer.